Writings

Category: Ramblings Page 1 of 8

I could be angry every day

In my continuing quest to lead a more peaceful life, I have found I could be far more angry than I am today. I’ve cut back on the number of news sites I read each and as well as the time spent reading because it really does just make me angry.

Saying yes to drugs

Last October during a regularly scheduled checkup with my doctor, we had a discussion about taking medication for my PTSD-related nightmares and flashbacks. I hate taking medications, but she noticed a continued increase of nightmares and flashbacks. I wanted to think about it. I’ve said I wanted to think about it every three months during my checkups.

Fourteen months later

This post was originally supposed to have a title of “A year on,” but I kept deleting it. The words weren’t right. I couldn’t focus. It wasn’t turning out to be what I wanted it to be. It wasn’t writer’s block. It was more what was going on in my personal life and the things that prevented me from writing something I wanted to publish. I want to discuss a few things from the past year and where I’m at right now. Hopefully, you’ll want to continue that journey with me.

This isn’t the post I intended to write

For the past few weeks, I have been trying to finish a post about how grateful I am for where I’m at right now. I may still get it finished in the near future, but right now, I just can’t. I’ve been doing everything I can to fight off some depression and other personal issuess, and I don’t have any reserves left to do anything else.

The moment in between

Agate Fossil Beds National Monument, 6:59 am, Aug. 21, 2017.

The sky is a blueish-gray. The sun is debating how quickly to rise in the cool, somber sky as the peacefulness of twilight arrives. The quietness of the early morning is peaceful and relaxing and I long to remain in this moment.

My blood is ink

Many people find writing to be therapeutic. I am one of them. One key difference for me is I rarely put things down on paper to never be read again. The majority of what I write is posted publicly.

It’s the little things that count

As human beings, it’s easy for us to look at the negative rather than the positive. If we make a mistake, we beat ourselves up over it. We look to blame someone or something else. The negative is easy. We should be paying attention to the little things that bring us joy and appreciation in our lives.

It just doesn’t work for me

The left side of the desk is my side. The right side is Paul’s side. I do my online therapy from here and there are many distractions.

I walked into my therapist’s office for my usual Tuesday appointment and sat down in my usual spot. We exchanged the normal pleasantries before she said, “Irene. We need to talk.”

My brain screamed the loudest, “Fuck,” I ever heard rattle through my skull. I knew what was coming.

Peace is just a click away

Over the past few weeks, I have been making a conscious effort to spent less time on the internet. It’s been a mostly successful endeavor.

I don’t want to return to normal

Londo close up.

After a month of staying home to try and keep the coronavirus pandemic from spreading, many people are longing for the time when life can return to normal and how everything was before we started isolating at home. I don’t want to return to what normal was. I want to go someplace better.

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