Writings

Category: Ramblings Page 2 of 8

It just doesn’t work for me

The left side of the desk is my side. The right side is Paul’s side. I do my online therapy from here and there are many distractions.

I walked into my therapist’s office for my usual Tuesday appointment and sat down in my usual spot. We exchanged the normal pleasantries before she said, “Irene. We need to talk.”

My brain screamed the loudest, “Fuck,” I ever heard rattle through my skull. I knew what was coming.

Peace is just a click away

Over the past few weeks, I have been making a conscious effort to spent less time on the internet. It’s been a mostly successful endeavor.

I don’t want to return to normal

Londo close up.

After a month of staying home to try and keep the coronavirus pandemic from spreading, many people are longing for the time when life can return to normal and how everything was before we started isolating at home. I don’t want to return to what normal was. I want to go someplace better.

On the edge of the day

Today wasn’t a good day. It began somewhere around 3 a.m., but I honestly don’t know what time it was. The first time I was aware of the time, the clock read 3:15 a.m., Tuesday morning.

A box of confidence

Confidence. A belief in oneself. The idea that you have the ability to meet the challenges of life and succeed. Realistically knowing your capabilities and feeling secure with the knowledge of what you can achieve. It is something I still struggle with today.

It crushes me

I received some bad news yesterday and it crushed me.

The news probably isn’t the end of the world and in the grand scheme of things never will be, but it hit me so deep that I didn’t know any other way to react. I didn’t even feel it coming on. There was the news. Then….it just crushed me.

It’s a detriment to us all

A little more than a year ago, I began a trek to use social media less. It is clearly evident that it makes me sad, angry, and confrontational, and puts me in a general state of despair. Studies have found it’s detrimental to your mental health and I was wondering why I do this to myself when there are clearly other, healthier things I could be doing instead.

When a word’s meaning changes, it can do real harm

Humans have a tendency to dilute the meaning of words over time. While language is a living thing and evolves, sometimes, the speed at which a word changes can do more harm than good. One of those words right now is “triggered.”

When most people think of the word trigger, they think of a lever on a gun or a psychological stimulus that prompts flashbacks of a traumatic experience. There is a vocal minority who has helped change the meaning of triggered, which is doing damage to people with real mental health issues. This change has come to mean people who get angry at others with opinions different to their own, someone who is upset or annoyed at a person, place, or thing, or hearing or experiencing something you don’t like.

Being triggered is not something I would choose. If those that have warped the meaning of the word could experience what being triggered and the ensuing flashback are really like, I highly doubt they would choose it either.

The year that was

For most people, December 31 is a time to reflect on the events in their lives and look forward to what lies ahead. Some participate in making New Year’s resolutions and make goals to do better and be better in the new year. I’ve never participated in these events. I believe if you discover a change in life is needed, do it in that moment rather than wait until some apportioned time set by society.

Since 2017, my new year has been set to November 9. On that day, everything changed. It was the day something broke inside of me, but I do not view it as a bad thing. Over the past year, I have made significant changes in my life, which have helped me to grow as a person and allowed me to start down a path I have chosen rather than settling for the circumstances life threw at me.

For Marcus

There have been a variety of thoughts bouncing around in my mind for some time now. I’ve worked on fleshing them out into a full post, but none have worked out the way in which I wanted them to. Instead of just having them float around in my mind never to see the light of day, I gathered them together to create a bit of an homage to “Meditations,” Marcus Aurelius.

The book has had more of an impact on me than I thought it would and I think this is the best way to put my thoughts to rest and present what’s been rumbling around in my head for the past few months.

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