Writings

Tag: trauma Page 1 of 6

I don’t feel well

I looked at the clock – 5:27 a.m. I’ve lost nearly 90 minutes in this flashback. The screaming woke me up again. My nausea alternated between a 7 and a 9. When it finally settled down to a 3, I started crying. I thought to myself, “I don’t feel well.” Then, a memory unlocked of a conversation I had many times with my mother when she came to wake me up for school.

Maybe October didn’t win

Sometimes it’s hard to sit down to write and explain what is going on with me. There are always several different stories bouncing around in my head, so I’m never short of ideas. What I lack is providing a good description of things to people who have no experience in the realms I have been in.

Some things I’ve been reading

It’s been a while since I did a book review, so here’s what I’ve read so far in 2023.

Sleeping would be nice

My clock at an angle, which makes the moon phase look wrong.

I woke up at 11:30 p.m., panicked and sweating. It’s common occurrence. My right eye hurt – another frequent notation in my sleep log, which is usually connected to the entire right side of my face hurting.

Working with my therapist, I have an inkling of what some of these things are, but it’s going to take time to figure them out. I have to piece together what’s happening and why, while listening to what my body is telling me. Unlike my brain, my body can’t paint pictures or speak.

I don’t sleep on Fridays

I don’t sleep well most nights, but I never get any rest on Fridays. It’s been this way most of my life and I never knew why.

A game changing theory and realizing you’re not alone

A sunflower soaks up the rays of the sun at BE Farm in Bayard, Nebraska on August 3, 2023.

A few days ago, I read a column, which really hit home. The author, Lucia Osborne-Crowley, is a trauma expert. After reporting on the Ghislaine Maxwell trial devastated her own mental health, she checked herself in to one of the world’s leading residential trauma-treatment centers.

I would encourage everyone to go read the article, but I wanted to share some parts of the article that resonated with me.

Burning an unfulfilled path to begin a new journey

As we grow and learn, we are able to decipher when things are good for us and when they are not. Sometimes, we need a push to get there, but, for me, how I got to the next step in my journey in life doesn’t matter as much as the fact that I’m here and continuing on toward a better future.

Being good enough

When I accepted the position with Nspire Today and decided to go back to writing, I knew I would have to deal with two issues – talking on the phone and some thoughts about my skills.

But you never went to war

Puck on the couch.

But you never went to war

It never really goes away

My mom had just taken me to get my hair cut. She had to run a few errands before we went back home. I was sitting in the front passenger seat. We were stopped at the red light by the police department when a friend of hers started talking to her from the next lane over. After a few minutes, her friend asked her who the boy was with her in the car.

“That’s not a boy, that’s Irene,” Mom said. She said it matter-of-factly like her friend was an idiot for not recognizing me. I was six years old.

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