In my continuing quest to lead a more peaceful life, I have found I could be far more angry than I am today. I’ve cut back on the number of news sites I read each and as well as the time spent reading because it really does just make me angry.
Last October during a regularly scheduled checkup with my doctor, we had a discussion about taking medication for my PTSD-related nightmares and flashbacks. I hate taking medications, but she noticed a continued increase of nightmares and flashbacks. I wanted to think about it. I’ve said I wanted to think about it every three months during my checkups.
As I sat in my room at the State Game Lodge in Custer State Park, I heard a distant pounding. It took a moment for me to realize this was not a second wave of mighty storm that had just passed through, but was the thundering hooves of bison who live in the park. I glanced out the window and witnessed at least two dozen bison pass beneath my gaze.
The bison were majestic in their gallop. I stood and watched them continue past the lodge and into the distance. Bison can run up to 35 miles per hour – three times faster than humans. I was too slow for pictures and opted to stand at my window and take in the beauty unfolding in front of me.
This post was originally supposed to have a title of “A year on,” but I kept deleting it. The words weren’t right. I couldn’t focus. It wasn’t turning out to be what I wanted it to be. It wasn’t writer’s block. It was more what was going on in my personal life and the things that prevented me from writing something I wanted to publish. I want to discuss a few things from the past year and where I’m at right now. Hopefully, you’ll want to continue that journey with me.
For the past few weeks, I have been trying to finish a post about how grateful I am for where I’m at right now. I may still get it finished in the near future, but right now, I just can’t. I’ve been doing everything I can to fight off some depression and other personal issuess, and I don’t have any reserves left to do anything else.
My father found Rabbit in the gift shop at Horton Memorial Hospital. He took Rabbit up to my mother’s hospital room and gave Rabbit to me. He and my mother had been awake all night. I had caused them to miss the Independence Day fireworks. It seems I hated fireworks from the very beginning.
For most of my life, I’ve relied on Rabbit to help me get through the tough times, to share in the good times, and to keep my secrets.